A Day in the Life of Me

So now that we know what triangulation is, let’s explore the psychology behind it. Some people use it to control others’ emotions. (Cough manipulators cough) use it like their own personal remote control for others’ emotions.

Welcome to the stage, the Puppet Master.

The Art of Triangulation, Manipulator-Style

Manipulators don’t like straightforward conversations. Why? Because they’d have to take responsibility, hear your point of view, or—heaven forbid—compromise. Instead, they prefer to set the stage, cast the characters, and direct the drama from behind the curtain.

That’s where triangulation comes in. It’s a nifty little tool that helps them:

• Divide and conquer
• Create confusion
• Avoid accountability
• Stay in control of the narrative

And all while looking like they’re just innocently “passing along feedback” or “trying to help.”

Common Tactics of the Triangulation Master

Let’s break down some go-to strategies manipulators love to use:

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1. The “Messenger” Move

“Don’t get mad, but my sister said she never liked you… I just thought you should know.”

Translation: I want to stir the pot without being the one who lit the stove.

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2. The “Everyone Thinks” Classic

“Everyone agrees you’re being too emotional right now.”

This one’s great because “everyone” is vague, unverifiable, and conveniently unavailable for comment. Neat, right?

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3. The “Go Talk to Them” Deflection

“I’m not the one with the problem. You should talk to my friend if you have an issue.”

Cue a wild goose chase where you’re suddenly arguing with people you never had beef with to begin with.

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4. The “Comparison Game”

“Why can’t you be more like my ex? They never made things so difficult.”

Ouch. This one’s meant to devalue you and keep you feeling like you have to earn your place. Spoiler alert: You don’t.

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Why It Works (Until It Doesn’t)

Triangulation works on unsuspecting or emotionally vulnerable people because it:

• Exploits our natural desire to be liked or understood
• Erodes trust in ourselves and others
• Creates an illusion of being outnumbered or ganged up on

When it’s someone you love, respect, or depend on, it can be even harder to spot. This is especially true if they’re a partner, parent, boss, or close friend. You’re more likely to internalize it (“Maybe I am overreacting…”) than question the manipulator’s motives.

So, What Can You Do?

Great question. Here are a few quick responses you can keep in your back pocket:

• “Thanks for the message. I’d rather talk to them directly.”
• “Who exactly is ‘everyone’? I’d like to hear it from them.”
• “It sounds like you’re trying to speak for someone else. Let’s focus on you and me.”

The key is refusing to play the role the manipulator is casting you in. You are not a character in their drama—you’re the director of your own story.

Final Thoughts

Triangulation might feel sneaky and subtle. Once you see it, stopping it becomes a lot easier. You don’t have to play along with shady scripts and emotional hot-potato.

You’re not crazy. You’re not “too sensitive.” You’re just being played—and it’s okay to walk off that stage.

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Up Next:
Day 3: “You vs. Them – The Classic ‘He Said/She Said’ Trap”
We’re breaking down the manipulation mechanics behind this timeless toxic favorite.