Picture this: You’re having a conflict with someone—your partner, friend, or even a coworker. Instead of working it out directly, they mysteriously bring in a third person. Suddenly, it’s not just you and them anymore…it’s you, them, and someone else’s opinion, presence, or perception. Congratulations, you’ve just entered the twisted world of triangulation.
🎭 What is Triangulation, Really?
Triangulation is a manipulation tactic. It involves bringing a third person into a two-person dynamic. This is done to control the situation, deflect accountability, or create division. It’s emotional outsourcing at its finest…and not in a good way.
Think of it like emotional ventriloquism. Instead of speaking to you directly, the manipulator uses another person as a mouthpiece, a buffer, or even a weapon.
Examples You Might Recognize:
- “Well, my friend thinks you’re overreacting.”
- “I had to tell my mom what happened—she said you were being dramatic.”
- “Everyone at work noticed how tense you were.”
At first, it sounds harmless. After all, people talk to people, right? But triangulation isn’t just about gossip. It’s about undermining you and controlling the narrative behind your back. It can leave you feeling isolated, confused, and, frankly, a little paranoid.
Why Do People Use It?
Most people who use triangulation aren’t trying to solve a problem…they’re trying to:
- Avoid direct communication (because that would require maturity),
- Divide and conquer (because unity equals strength),
- Manipulate perceptions (because controlling how others see you gives them power).
A narcissistic ex, a meddling family member, or a high-drama coworker often resorts to triangulation. These individuals use it as a go-to tool. They thrive on chaos and control.
Is It Always Malicious?
Not necessarily. Sometimes people triangulate because it’s what they’ve learned, or they’re afraid of confrontation. But when it becomes a pattern, pay attention. Especially if it leaves you constantly on edge, apologizing, or second-guessing yourself. It’s a red flag.
How Do You Know You’re in the Triangle?
Here are a few clues:
- You’re often told what other people think about you (without those people ever speaking to you).
- You’re asked to deliver messages between others like a middle school hall pass.
- You feel confused, defensive, or like you’re walking on eggshells…but can’t quite put your finger on why.
Sound familiar? You’re not alone…and you’re not imagining it.
The Good News
Recognizing triangulation is the first step to stepping out of it. Once you understand what’s happening, you can start setting boundaries, refusing to play messenger, and insisting on direct communication.
And let’s be honest…life’s complicated enough without unnecessary emotional geometry.
Coming Tomorrow:
“The Puppet Master: How Manipulators Use Triangulation to Control the Show”. Once you see the strings, you can stop dancing.
A Day in the Life of Me 
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