Hey love, welcome back.
Yesterday, we talked about what verbal abuse really is. Not just yelling or name-calling, but the kind of words that chip away at your self-worth over time. Today, we’re going a little deeper—because sometimes the most harmful stuff doesn’t come with obvious red flags.
Let’s talk about the sneaky kind of verbal abuse. The kind that makes you second-guess yourself. The kind that hides behind sarcasm, guilt, or even fake concern. It’s subtle. It’s confusing. And it’s all too common.
But don’t worry—we’re putting it in the light now.
First Things First: Verbal Abuse Isn’t Always Loud
One of the trickiest things about verbal abuse is that it often shows up in ways that don’t look like abuse—especially when you’ve been conditioned to minimize it. Maybe the person never screamed. Maybe they never cursed at you. But that doesn’t mean their words didn’t hurt or control you.
Verbal abuse can be:
- Quiet
- Dryly sarcastic
- Sweet-sounding but cruel underneath
- Disguised as “jokes,” “advice,” or “teasing”
Sound familiar?
Sneaky Tactics to Look Out For
Let’s pull back the curtain on some subtle forms of verbal abuse. These often fly under the radar, especially in emotionally complex relationships.
✖️ Sarcasm That Cuts
“You’re really going to wear that?”
“Oh wow, so smart—you should totally give a TED Talk.”
It’s the kind of sarcasm that leaves you laughing along… until you’re alone and second-guessing yourself.
✖️ Backhanded Compliments
“You’d be pretty if you just lost a little weight.”
“You’re surprisingly good at that—didn’t think you had it in you.”
They say it’s a compliment, but somehow you feel smaller, not seen.
✖️ Minimizing or Dismissing
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
“You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.”
When your feelings or experiences are always minimized, you start to believe they don’t matter.
✖️ Constant Interruptions or Talking Over You
If they don’t let you finish a sentence, cut you off mid-story, or ignore your input—it’s not just rude. It’s a way of asserting power.
✖️ Guilt Trips Disguised as Love
“I guess I just love you more than you love me.”
“After all I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?”
These guilt-laced comments are meant to control your choices by making you feel bad for having boundaries or needs.
✖️ “Jokes” That Aren’t Funny
“Don’t take it so seriously, I’m joking.”
“If you weren’t so sensitive, you’d get it.”
Jokes that leave you hurt or humiliated aren’t jokes—they’re digs with a disguise.
Here’s the Catch: It’s a Pattern, Not a One-Off
Everyone can say the wrong thing sometimes—we’re human. But verbal abuse is about patterns. If someone consistently:
- Dismisses your feelings
- Puts you down
- Makes you question your worth
- Makes you feel like you can’t speak freely…
That’s a red flag. That’s abuse.
Journal Prompt: What Are the “Sticky Phrases”?
Grab your journal (or the notes app on your phone, or just your thoughts) and reflect:
“What are three things they said to me over and over again that made me feel unsure, small, or ashamed?”
Then ask:
“How did I start talking to myself because of those phrases?”
This isn’t to relive the pain—it’s to start recognizing how you were shaped by someone else’s words… and how you’re allowed to reshape that narrative now.
If You’re Thinking, “But Was It Really That Bad?”—Read This
Abuse isn’t measured by how loud it was.
It’s measured by how it made you feel.
If it left you anxious, confused, afraid to speak, or constantly trying to prove yourself—it was bad enough.
You deserve to be safe in your own mind and body. You deserve respect. Period.
Tiny Step of the Day: Start Listening to Yourself Again
Next time you catch yourself thinking, “Am I overreacting?”—pause.
Ask instead:
“What would I say to a friend if they were going through this?”
You’ll probably find that you already know the answer. You just needed permission to believe yourself again.
Here it is: You’re allowed to trust yourself. You’re allowed to trust your feelings. You’re allowed to name what happened.
You’re doing amazing work just by showing up here. We’re peeling back the layers, one day at a time. You don’t have to figure it all out today.
✨ Just breathe. You’re learning to see clearly again. That’s healing. ✨
Tomorrow: We’re diving into the idea that “it’s just words” is a myth—and how verbal abuse can impact your brain, your body, and your soul. It’s deep, but it’s going to make so much click. Stay with me.
A Day in the Life of Me 
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